Muse !

I have always imagined how you’d be

Your color,

Your face …

Maybe, I didn’t know that

You’ve always been with me all along

You make sure,

That I have all that I need to be happy

You gave me life, and I’d be lying

If….

If I said that you’ve been the easiest thing

To be around,

To learn from,

To love,

Because….

Sometimes it didn’t make sense…

The sadness in your eyes,

The hurt behind that smile,

The hidden scares…

You made it seem like,

You were the happiest,

That,

You had it all figured out,

You made it all seem so simple,

Maybe that’s why,

That’s why, I wanted to be everything that you are!!!

That’s why, I wanted it all to involve you…

You taught me

To be gentle, to be humble,

To be Kind, to be bold

To be loving, to be caring…

To be giving, to be forgiving…

To inspire, to aspire…

M U S E

Magical, Ubiquitously Safe Ebullient

No words describe you better…

Thank you, for choosing me!

LOvE B,

A little glitter

Everyone is going through life’s greatest challenges

We all want it all to end

the hurting, the pain, the anger and the suffering,

We all have had enough of it, we want that little

sunray to feel it and touch it, we want the dance at the beach

with weirdo’s we just met, we want to smile and not worry about a thing

we want to not worry at all

about being scared of walking home alone from school, or about the uncle no

one believes us of, when we tell them about what he does when everyone is away

or about that girl that thinks money is everything and is willing to do whatever

it takes for her to get it…

The time

is yet to come,

the time written and taught about, the time when all will praise him

the time when worrying will not exist as a word, its trace will disappear like it never

existed…. The thought of that excites me it brings a little glitter to my life

The thought of being worriless

The thought of walking up the mountain alone and not having to worry about

dear LIFE

or across that dark neighborhood, not worry about anything at all…

It is like a little glitter added.

Sometime, we all have it rough!

Sometimes, I listen to a song 

and I don’t understand the language but it flows so well with my feelings and I feel it…

Like damn…

I love more than I ought to, I give more than I receive, at some point in life I’ve made peace with who I am because, I’ve realized there is nothing I can do about it…

I’ve been hurt to the point where I wished I never existed… I’ve lived through that…

Never really told anyone of dark thoughts that came to mind sometimes but people think I am this happy bubble, which is what I let them see …

It’s only 3 out of everyone that is close to me that knows what kind of person I am within… I am broken and frustrated at times but I am only human and this feelings come and we cannot control them…

But I wish that my smile excites the person nearby and that they feel okay even though they feel judged at times…

I hope I make a lil difference in someone’s life… I wish I give them a purpose for them to keep living and keep making those silly mistakes because it’s okay we learn from them sometimes and it’s okay if it takes us forever to realize how messy our life is … 

I hope you know that you are beautiful and loved… 

And I need you and so does everyone else in your life!

Love

Someone who cares.. 

Lost in the midst of it all

There are those days were you wake up and wonder if this is all there is...
The days you start questioning your existence 
these are the days when we want to
maybe receive a little bit of love
a little bit of courage
to move on or keep moving, we all feel like drowning some days...
there are days we feel like
we are not good enough,
that life is unfair sometimes, well guess what !
 I think...  
I think we make of what we want each day
well what I think may not matter today 
but if 
we accept that sometimes we are incapable of becoming
accept that we are only humans
we fall short each day
and that
maybe we are living because we are having the capabilities 
that another may not have
maybe then we will see
how beautiful life can be and how beautiful we can be
we are all lost 
in the midst of 
trying to discover ourselves
lost...

A letter to 2018

Dear 2018

For the many struggles. The laughs, the tears shed … I want to say thank you for choosing me… Thank you for teaching me how to be strong, how to handle myself under pressure… Because thanks to you I got more closer to my friend…Thanks to you I was able to cry and still carry on…to all the nights of tears  shed on my pillow,To all the new friends I made this year…You made me cry the loudest yet laugh the hardest… You made me love but never hate… though judged and mistreated I kept the love because Jehovah who save all saved me..I wanna Thank each and every one who made me a better person..To each loving person out there that didn’t give up on me…I can never be more grateful… To my dearest cousin… Thank you…To my lovingly CRAZY friends freakin’ love you all..

Love,

Me

Broken but beautiful

She looks herself in the mirror

like always she is disappointed about what she sees

some days she is reminded of how broken she is

she hoped she were created like what everyone else wanted to see

with a perfect body

perfect face

perfect shape

she wished that someone would see beauty in her broken..

she doesn’t eat much any more…

but

everyday she hears ”oh Goodness what do you eat? you’ve gained too much…”

oh how she wished she could hear positive complements about her

for once…

apart from her beautiful mom, who says ”my beautiful Rose” every morning with a smile…

she wished others saw the world like her mom, accepted by everyone with all your broken pieces mend together by gold lining, that was how she wished the world would see her beautifully broken self…

she knew, she was broken but beautiful, her parents showed her so, so did her friends…

Who am I ?

I am also trying to discover that about myself …

All i know is that…

I am the craziest, the most weird, the most loving, most soft, and a talker… I am way far from being considered beautiful… I am so secretive, I look like someone who is unapproachable, to my surprise I am an easy person to talk to….

so what I’m saying is…IMG_3631

I’m too imperfect that i sometimes question my existence, I am too sensitive that after every failure, every heartbreak, every disappointment, I cry so much… Just because i give myself so much to every little thing that i do… 

I am a girl, I love being treated special, I like being told I’m worth it… I love being told I’m the most beautiful thing that has ever happen to someone’s life… what harm could be there if I’m just any other ordinary girl… does my background, my looks, my appearance tell you everything about me? Most definitely not! 

I am imperfect I know, we all are… so stop treating me like I don’t belong just because of my health, my looks, my finance, my course of study… most importantly my BELIEFS… they are mine and not ours… stop judging me, stop assuming that I’m aggressive just by the way you see me… or by the first expression I’ve ever shown you… 

you’re no difference from me…

at least i know that I AM NOTHING THAT YOU THINK I AM !

I am just plain ME!

 

friends… (cont)

friends, huh? they are that person that understands your utmost cry without you saying a word…

That one person that does all they can in their power to make you laugh, even if sometimes jokes isn’t their cup of tea, they try it just to have you smile..

The person you call 3 a.m in the morning just because you had one silly nightmare, the person you think of when life knocks you down and also when you’ve won life’s greatest lottery…

It is someone who accepts you for you, nothing less, nothing more… the one person who make sure you stop your silly ways and wake up…

It’s the one person that takes your side when the whole world is against you… I’m saying a friend is also that person that sometimes gets on your last nerve… That person that you sometimes wonder how you ended up with them, they make you angry, they make you laugh, they make you feel grateful…

A friend is the one person that is the worst person you’ve ever chosen and at the same time the best thing that has ever happened to your life…

If you’ve never experienced the worst and the best with your friend, are you really friends…

To all my friends… THANK YOU!

friends

A few years ago if you were to ask me what friends are, I think I could give you answers to what i think friends should be and not what I know friends are. It was not till a few days ago that I got to really know what friends really are! I got to realise the value of friendship…

A friend is someone who in spite of days you spend with yourself, in spite of the days you get all emotional about simple things, of all the times you blamed them for your mistakes…

friends are those people who stick by, they those people who put your crazy behind them and still make you feel at ease with yourself, they are the people who understand your crazy….

 

 ……to be continued….

I thought life as a student was easy, until i went to Varsity!

I remember how excited i was, when i heard i was coming to Varsity… I of all people had no slightest hope of being anywhere close to college, we believed it was for the rich kids…

well that’s not it my life pretty much had nothing to do with college i couldn’t afford anything not even the air/oxygen i breathed and to top it off i wasn’t talented nor was i not so smart…

when i heard from my uncle who applied for me a scholarship for the unfortunate/marginalized i was happy they could accommodate me too , hey life isn’t all flowers and candies sometimes you have to struggle to be who you want to be…

Anyways, I got into varsity as excited as I was, I for a minute thought my life was totally going to change… that i was going to be someone better in my life, not knowing I’m headed for the greatest war ever… I came to realize that nothing in life is as tough and disappointing as studying for a module so hard that you still fail… Just how in the world do such kind of things happen, I know I’m not that bright but when I study something I usually get it right…

This college is where i found out that things in this life are so tough you just want to quit, well quitting usually was a word way out of my syllabus but now I don’t know.. maybe someday i will probably make it…img-20180313-wa0045

I am trying so hard to study, what does my mentor say? all he says is that i should stop trying to study, so i may pass but to study and see if really learned something… As much as I hate studying I keep wondering to myself what it is I should do to enjoy studying more… I would rather be stuck in one of the Romance Novels than to read on Avogadro’s laws… We do not speak the same language and so I wonder did I make the right choice by accepting to study this cause… I will probably know in the future if my life is as miserable as it already is or if it is worse…